How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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