Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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