real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS