maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.