why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday