You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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