My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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