Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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