So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
