Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.