So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Don't say a word.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.