I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
