First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.