definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
