im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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