I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
