I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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