If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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