we're blogging at a bar
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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