isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
