Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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