Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
