there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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