I didn't shave. On purpose
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
