First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
