It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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