wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need a burrito and a hug.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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