She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
