drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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