Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
