It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
