Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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