Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
