How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
