If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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