new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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