My room smells like vodka and shame
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
