I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can you repeat that, but with context?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
