honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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