Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
