At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
