Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize