Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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