I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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