Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
