The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
