Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The air was thick with penises
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
