I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
