do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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