I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
