We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
