be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
