We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
