If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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