Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
