Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
