Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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