True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
