Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
