I seem to have left my pride at pride
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
