It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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