just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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