Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
