Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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